I know I’m not the only wife who sometimes wishes for her former self! You know what I’m talking about! I’m talking about the more confident, fun, sensual and sophisticated woman you THOUGHT you were going to be after you got married, but before you had kids! THAT woman! What happened to her? I know I’m not alone. There are moments that I just look at my husband, and daydream about what we were like when we first dated, and then what happened once he popped the question and we got married. As if looking on from a distance, I see a young woman who smiled easily, worried very little and loved without concern about whether or not it would be returned. She’s a joy to be around, and adored by her man. They can’t get enough of each other and they are spend time together almost everyday. Every bump in the road just suggests that they are ready to handle the conflicts that come with marriage. She is sure that she’s ready to be the wife described in Proverbs 31! High in the sky, apple pie hopes she has! Does she sound familiar?
Any sincere woman who desires to be even a speck of what God has called you to be, can without a doubt relate to what I am saying right now. You may be in this place now…gazing at what was, with hopeless nostalgia, while secretly ( or openly) floating on a cloud of disdain for what currently is. You know there’s no use in living in the past, but you don’t understand why things had to change the way they did. You love your husband and children, but you have spent so much time and energy DOING, that you don’t know how to just BE anymore. Remember when you could just be? You weren’t worried about saying the right things, or making the perfect meal, or making sure you didn’t neglect your wifely duties because you were consumed with the kids. You were free! So tell me daughter of the MOST HIGH…what is it that keeps you from being that woman now? One word… LIFE! We, I, you, us can allow life to be such a deterrent that we forget the most important thing of all. We forget to let Jesus “take the wheel” (no but really!). We are so busy trying to keep it together that we forget we serve a God who is concerned about every little detail of our lives. The Bible says that we can and should “cast our cares on God, because he cares for us” (1 Peter 5:7). What about our planning, and scheduling and trying to make sure the week goes smoothly, and things “get done” ? Jesus had an answer for that too! In Matthew 6:34 (NLT) he said “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” Jesus wanted his disciples to know that it was a complete and utter waste of time and energy to fret, worry, or sweat about what was coming the next day because it would be full of its own issues!
I hear what you’re saying! “Jessica you cannot just slap the Jesus on everything and expect that to make up for the fact that I don’t feel loved or appreciated by the people and love take care of the most! I spend every waking moment trying to give my best and making everything is in order!” I could venture to agree with you, to the point, that if you don’t know the Jesus that I speak of, you can’t invoke that power that saying his name brings into your situation! God never intended for us to walk this thing out like we were so saved that our feelings never get hurt, or our spouses don’t disappoint us or hurt us. Jesus was both God AND man. He wanted nothing more than for the people he reached gave his all for, to want a relationship with His Father. It wasn’t enough! They had to want it back! He couldn’t long for Eden. He had to deal with the reality of a fallen world. Sisters please understand me… there is nothing wrong with having a longing for something deeper and more meaningful in the roles that you play in your home. Being a wife AND a mother is not for the faint of heart! It doesn’t mean that we don’t get weary. It doesn’t mean we don’t want to sit in our cars until everyone in the house falls asleep… or maybe that’s just me lol. You have to know that your labor is not in vain! There is a point to all of the madness! I’m waiting to see it manifest too, trust me! You CAN get that old thang back! You just wont find it looking back. The woman who you were will one day long to be the strong, sturdy woman who grew through experience and made the choice to love unconditionally, even when it was hard. The young girl who used to able leave an argument with her spouse unscathed, will someday want to know how to maintain respect for your husband when you are burning up on the inside. You can carry on! You must carry on! Somebody, somewhere will need your story and your example.