I apologize in advance! You will hear me talk A LOT about my marriage. There isn’t a day that goes by that something about my relationship with my husband causes me to look inward and evaluate my whole life. I mean seriously, I really thought I had it together before I got married! What I did not learn as a single woman, I was taught when I became a married woman. The lessons I’ve learned were/are hard ones. I mean every. single. one. I wish I could say some of it I could have gone without, but even the hardest roughest parts of my marriage pointed to me, to me.
I’m just going to say the obvious. Marriage is hard! If you are looking for an easier, more simple way of life, marriage isn’t it. There is nothing more difficult than falling in love with a complete strange, making a lifetime commitment to them, and then, wait for it, creating offspring with them! Sounds like lunacy right? Well when you paint the picture that way, it seems like a very unorthodox situation to find yourself in. We assume that our spouses will be people that we already know well or at the very least are already acquainted with. Most of the time, that happens. You have a few special cases where neither party was thinking about a long relationship right that moment, but changed their mind when they met their spouse. Then they are those who have the great fortune of marrying someone they grew up alongside. On the surface these scenarios seem bring certain types of variables into a marriage. Can I tell you something? NONE OF THESE THINGS MATTER! Not a single one of these scenarios has anything to do with what will happen after you are actually married. As a matter of fact, after almost three years of marriage to my husband, I have become acutely aware of the fact that my husband are not the people we married! What I’m saying our premarital selves weren’t all that we were. That’s all we put out there, but it’s not all we were.
Herein lies the problem. For the most part, each individual in a relationship comes into that relationship with their own personal expectations. Regardless of the kind of person they are engaging, and regardless of that person’s tendencies, habits and differences, we are taught to expect from a person, what WE want for them. Forget their background, what they think, or how they feel. No, we have to make sure that what we want, we get. That in itself is not the issue. The real issues happen when we can’t get over these differences and allow them to divide us. We embraced a way of thinking that says if I’m dissatisfied, discontent or unhappy at any point in this relationship, it YOUR fault, I knew you were the wrong man/woman for me while we were dating, and I want out. Now, I looked at these words myself and think “Can people really deal with their marriages that simply? Are people really ready to quit and give up that quickly when things don’t happen the way they “expect” it to?” The sad answer is yes. Unfortunately for a lot of couples, when trouble comes, and it does come, they become exposed. Whatever is really in them, however they really think and feel, will come to the surface. You want to know what you and your spouse are made of? Let calamity strike and see what happens. How will the two of you respond when you find out your relationship isn’t as affair-proof as you thought it and he/she has eyes for and guy/girl at the job.
I am not trying to scare out of marriage. Marriage is beautiful, back-breaking, heartfelt work. It will take every ounce of what you have and then some. There will be times where you feel like you’ve given all you have and can’t give anymore. Other times you may feel like you’re the only giving anything at all. Marriage happens in phases. Work through each and every one and watch what happens. You will see the trust in your relationship deepen. Walls that your spouse has erected to protect him or herself from getting hurt, will begin to come down. You will learn how to fight fair ( can’t do anything about the fighting, I’m sorry lol). You will learn to accept and cherish the things that make your spouse who they are, and trust that God sent them your way because they have something you need. One day you will STOP TAKING EVERYTHING SO PERSONALLY (I’m learning this lesson NOW)! If you continue to walk your commitment out with your spouse, you will begin to see the fruit of your labor. I’m not promising a carefree, worry free life. I am saying that you may actually truly get to know who your spouse is. You may even find that you like what you find out. However your journey is going, stay the course. Whether you are on the fence about remaining in your marriage or feeling insecure about what you bring into your marriage, remain strong. Remember that your choice to stand AND love, will teach a generation how to keep at it even when things get hard. Marriage is work, and a lot of times you will feel as if you are grappling in dark. If you stay humble and stay prayerful, I’m sure you will see sunshine break through the clouds.