I want to preface today’s post with this: I have been really bad at keeping up with this blog LOL! My hope is that I will eventually find the rhythm to keep me writing everyday because I really enjoy it. My prayer is that you find each post exciting and insightful, and that you are encouraged to continue to pursue the heart of your mate, regardless of the stage or state of marriage.
Okay so everybody loves kids right? They are so cute and cuddly when they are small (I’ve taken some of THE BEST naps with my baby girl)! They are generous in their love and affection, and even let you return the favor without putting up a big fight! As they grow up they get funny, and you get to go through changes with them. You get to do what you thought you would never be able old enough to do, and that’s remember when YOU were a child! (I’m not anywhere near there yet lol). What I’m saying is, the advent of children often adds a different layer of excitement to your marriage. Children get the party started, ready or not! Psalms 127:3 proclaims that “Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him .” God considers children a reward huh? So what happens in a marriage when your “heritage” is no longer the gift that keeps on giving, but instead they become a very serious strain on your marriage? First of all, if you haven’t experienced this yet, and you are married, or plan on getting married, KEEP LIVING! Children are a gift, it’s true. However, they also come with a tremendous need for attention, care and love. Many times in a marriage, we will borrow these needs from our spouse. It’s like robbing Peter to pay Paul. It’s a lose lose! You cannot deprive your spouse to care for your children. Am I suggesting you neglect your children? Certainly not! What I am absolutely saying is that if you are not whole-heartedly loving your spouse with everything in you, every single day, your “heritage” will pay the consequences.
So let’s pause here for a moment of transparency. I am currently in this stage of my marriage, where my children are very small and cute (twin boys age 17 months, and infant daughter age 5 months), and they require A LOT of preparation, attention, love, more attention, lots of love and… you get the picture! Case and point: baby girl decided to get fussy as I was beginning this paragraph! Do you think she cared at all that mommy was trying to encourage all you awesome moms and wives out there? Not at all! Anyway back to what I was saying. I mentioned a moment ago that I am in this place in my marriage where I am juggling being a wife and mother. I get a lot of kudos for it from without, but not so much from within. I’m not going hang out at that point too long because that’s just another post entirely! I TOO struggle with the responsibilities ordained BY GOD to me. My kids needs for the most part, are relatively easy to meet. If they are hungry, I feed them. When they are sleepy, I lay them down. When they want attention, I shower them with kisses and hugs and the like. My husband needs, contrary to popular belief, are not as readily met. They take time, commitment, PRAYER, sometimes require a great deal of creativity, and a lot of energy. Now if my husband was writing the post for this topic, it would look very different. He’s not though so bear with me! What I’m trying to communicate here can be summed up in two words: INSTANT GRATIFICATION. Supposedly it’s what us millennials are obsessed with, and unfortunately it plagues a lot of marriages too.
The truth is we expect to see the return on our investment IMMEDIATELY! If I gently rub my husband’s shoulder, I do not understand why I don’t get a kiss on the cheek later. If I’m sending him love notes of appreciation via text message during the day, why don’t I get at least one in return? You see where I’m going with this. The point is, often we treat our marriage like a microwave instead of like an oven. We want things hot and spicy and we want it now. We want to zap the love and romance and good sex back into the relationship without making any real commitment to see it through. Then children come along and make it all too easy to get stuck in that rut. Can I say something: children are not the answer to marriage. They are the fruit and reward from seeds planted, but the ground must still be watered and cared for. You cannot abandon your post as wife because you get more satisfaction, recognition, attention or kudos for being a mom. God ordained you as his helper. You are needed in his life, even when it seems like he’s getting along just fine without. Your children need to see an example of a Godly, fearless woman loving her man and obeying God. You are making him a better husband, a better father, son, and a better man. Don’t just serve in the position where you are needed (mother), serve also, and even more so in the place where you have been CALLED (wife). It may not be glamorous all the time. You may not get the wife of the year award from him or even wife of the week, but it is worth it! You are building a heritage of righteousness for your heritage and your heritage’ heritage!
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting: but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. – Proverbs 31:30 (NIV)