Are we “getting it back” or are we getting it back you guys?! Day 12 of the “getting it back” series came and went today, but of course, not before I could glean what the Lord had me to glean concerning the day. Today I’m going to be a bit more vulnerable than normal in regards to my own personal journal. As always, I never share just to share, but always to encourage someone else to persist in the face of adversity. 

On Sunday I was all excited about going to church for the first time in almost two years since I started having children. It was something that I was looking forward to telling me husband I was ready to start doing again, and I’m hoping that I will one day soon be able to share something with him that so touches his heart, he decides to come with me! I’m sure that testimony is coming, but in the mean time I will make the necessary changes in my own life. I mentioned before that I didn’t want to go to church just go, or be involved in church activities for the sake of busyness. By the way, your busyness means nothing to God. He is more concerned with your relationship with him, not what you think you’re doing for him. So. as I filled out the newcomer card during service, I decided to share what my prayer needs were and what had drawn me to service that day, and today I was contacted via voicemail and email. What I read absolutely blessed me, and positively scared me all at the same time! The woman who responded, I’m assuming it was a woman based on the voice of the email, spoke like she has been all up in my prayer closet! She encouraged me with the Word of God, and wrote a prayer specific to my needs during this season. Then she encouraged me to do the thing that scares me more than anything else I’ve faced during this season. She told me to get connected.

Now before you say anything, I realize that a couple of posts back I mentioned that God will connect to certain people who will fight with you as you battle the enemy. I also mentioned that you should ask God to send you individuals who will gird you up when you are weary, and prayer to God on your behalf when you are too tired to do it. Maybe not those exact words but that was the point I was attempting to make. What you don’t know is that I have asked for those things, for my spouse. It’s an almost constant prayer. “God send my husband godly men, who will stand in the gap for him and help him grow in his faith.” I’m so for real right now! As I’m praying and asking God to do this for my husband, he was preparing people who would stand with me and help me grow in my faith! Ha!  God is such a wise God, that he gives us what we need the most, even if we don’t think we need it. The truth is, I often feel like I have to fight alone. My excuses are the run-of-the-mill lies that Satan wants to believe. “Nobody else is dealing with what I’m dealing with.” “This is a sign. I made a mistake.” Nobody cares about what I’m dealing with.” “People will judge me if they really knew what I was going through.” I’m so guilty! I’m guilty of allowing these deceptions permeate in my mind and keep me disconnected.

isaiah432I‘m afraid guys. I’m scared that if I’m bare and naked before even other believers that I sincerely believe God has sent, I’ll be treated like something broken and inferior. I’ll be “the young girl with the marriage problems”. As if I’m the only one going through in their  marriage! That’s so easy to say, but when it’s YOUR issue, and YOUR family on the line, you feel like you’re the only out in the middle of a very large desert, and any signs of an oasis are very, very far away. Can I share something with you though? Isaiah 43:2 says, “When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.” This is the verse that woman emailed to me! She encouraged me with this exact text from God’s Word!” This blessed me. I was reminded right then and there, that yes, these are difficult times, and yes I am going through a fiery trial, but God promises that He will be with me. and these circumstances will not be my demise! God is so thoughtful of us, that he is not only Father, and protector, he is also our friend. We can count on him when things get crazy and scary. We can depend on him to have our backs when we feel unloved and misunderstood. We can rely on him to remind us of His promises when fear and doubt begin to seep into our thoughts. 

These posts are not fictitious accounts of someone else’s life. Every single one of them is about me. Every scripture inserted, reminder about the goodness of Lord and His unfailing love for me, pep talk about not giving up or quitting, is geared towards ME! I am that woman, and I am in the middle of a fight. Sometimes we fool ourselves into thinking that our struggles are less severe than they really are, and because of that we don’t fight the way that we should. Do you know that Satan knows exactly what is at stake when God joins people together? He’s the uninvited guest that objects to your union when the pastor says, “speak now or forever hold your peace.” We get, I got, nestled into a comfortable, honeymoon way of life and we think that’s all it’s going to ever be. I’m here to tell you that’s not all there is. Marriage is not an easy road to travel. It is successful only with the help of God and his word. Successful doesn’t mean easy. It just means it continues day after day, year after year, through hardship and happy times. That is the kind of success I want, and that is kind of success that the devil is trying to snuff out if take your eyes off of him long enough. I am fighting for so much more than a happily ever after. I’m fighting to see chains broken, generational curses lifted, my household overflowing with the love of God, and the people I love changed and set free. That fight, those desires, come at a cost like I’ve said before. The price is the death of your own wants, desires and way of doing things. I am telling you that doing this thing God’s way is not easy, and it’s definitely made me a huge target for the enemy, but I know that something is being stirred up in Heaven on my behalf.

So yes, I’m terrified. I don’t know what’s going to happen the first time I attend a small group during the week or even the next time I go to church this week. What I do know beyond a shadow of a doubt, is that God has orchestrated all of these events to work together for my good and His purposes. I’m choosing to follow His lead, and let him take control. 

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