Think the title not strange! This is exactly where I’m at in life right now… a place that not too long ago I was far from. Sometimes things just happen and your faith, convictions and commitments are tested. Pass or fail, I think our struggles within Christianity point to a deeper need, and that is the need to know Jesus. 

So I’ll get right to the point. I was that kid growing up. I went to church all during the week. My father has been involved in ministry my entire life. My mother was also involved in ministry up until cancer took her in 2008. I’m well acquainted with “church”. Those of you who are also acquainted with “church” know very well that it’s a verb as well as a noun. It was something I learned how to do, a culture I learned how to fit into, and a place I learned to love for all the right reasons… for the most part. As a child it was a place to hang out and see my friends. It gave me a sense of belonging, activities that made me feel like I had real gifts and talents, and a safe place to be after 9pm. 

Then it happened. One day I woke up. I became an adult. Graduated college, and came home and worked. I became a teacher, fell in love and started a family. And then I had children. That’s when it hit me. I had learned how to be fake… in church! I had learned how to play the part but had yet to really figure out how to really live this thing out. I realized how many times I had blended in and even conformed to the world, when the Bible tells us not to be conformed or blend in. I realized I had soiled my testimony over and again by how I had lived my life a few years ago. 

Right when I began to feel guilty I was reminded that being in Christ Jesus meant that was no longer a slave to sin, even if I was behaving like one. I had a choice! I could indeed live fully for him and point others towards him instead of away from him. I could stand out not blend in. 

So I asked him. I asked him to take away those sinful urges and desires. I asked for the Holy Spirit. I got all of that and then some. Taking it a step further, God had the audacity to give someone like me a platform. A classroom, students and their families, all hungry for the joy that I have, and all wondering why I keep praying with them every time we meet. 

It’s simple, yet profound. It’s a place I wish I would have come to long before I got to college, long before I met my husband and long before I had children. 

 I realized, I might actually want to live for Jesus. 


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